July 13, 2009
Is marriage doomed? If youre a faithful viewer of the show Jon & Kate Plus 8, youve learned that Jon and Kate Gosselin are getting a divorce. Not only are Jon and Kate calling it quits on marriage, but Billy Joel and Madonna are ending their marriages (again). Its a sad day in Hollywood when Billy Joel cant find love with any of his uptown girls and the material girls material world hasnt bought her lifelong marriage material. Now author and performer Sandra Tsing Loh has issued a doomsday proclamation against marriage in her article, On marriage: Lets call the whole thing off. Loh not only publicly announces her own divorce, but she also calls for other married couples to divorce and questions the relevance of marriage in our modern society.
Loh portrays an apocalyptic world where husbands are addicted to pornography and travel excessively to avoid their wives. Women prefer a glass of wine and a good book to the companionship of their spouse. In Lohs world husbands no longer want to have sex with their wives and women have given themselves over to Twinkies and ice cream bars. Husbands and wives live in Companionate Marriage relationships where love, romance and commitment are destroyed by monogamy and domestic household responsibilities. In place of traditional marriage, Loh offers a glimpse of a world filled with humans that are tribal creatures with open sexual relationships and children who are raised by the tribe. Her proposed new world order offers a sexual utopia where men mow the lawn and other domestic duties in exchange for sex with women.
A couples decision to divorce affects not only their own happiness, but also whether or not their children will be happy in their own future marriages. Read an analysis by Mapping America, a project of the Family Research Council, which shows that children who grow up with both biological parents experience higher levels of happiness in marriage.
Shame on husbands who are addicted to pornography, who dont romance their wives with flowers and date nights. Shame on husbands who dont make love to their wives every time as if its their wedding night. Shame on husbands who place their career before family. Shame on a husband who doesnt love and cherish his wife as if she is the only woman in the world. Equally, shame on wives who arent faithful to their husbands. Shame on wives who have traded their men for a glass of merlot and Mr. Darcy and who have put their career before their families. Shame on wives who have given up on being alluring to their husbands and have traded the affections of their husband for a date with a carton of Ben & Jerrys. Most of all, shame on husbands and wives who have placed the almighty self before the needs of their spouse and family.
I love being married and I cannot imagine life without my wife. Our love story is pretty typical: boy meets girl, girl refuses to go out with boy, girl finally goes out with boy so hell stop asking, girl falls in love with boy, they get engaged, they get married, and live happily every after. There is no doubt that being married has its ups and downs. Im sure that there are moments when its difficult for my wife to love me (especially when I put the pots and pans in the dishwasher and leave my wet towel on the bed).
Regardless of those rocky moments, marriage is a blessing and I wouldnt trade one day of marriage for some alternative sexual revolution where men and women trade sex for building shelves and mowing lawns. Marriage isnt some apocalyptic nightmare; marriage isnt about meeting your own physical, sexual, psychological and career needs. Marriage is about meeting the needs of your spouse and family. A great secret in serving your family instead of yourself: youll find joy, happiness, and fulfillment-youll find your purpose in life. Mark Twain wrote about the beauty and purpose that marriage offers. A marriage...makes of two fractional lives a whole; it gives to two purposeless lives a work, and doubles the strength of each to perform it; it gives to two questioning natures a reason for living, and something to live for; it will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.
For Loh, Jon and Kate, Madonna, and Billy Joel, I recommend you contact Mike and Harriet McManus at Marriage Savers, an organization that seeks to ensure the success of marriages and bring healing to broken marriages. Ill also offer you a Welsh blessing, hoping and praying that your families will have better days ahead. Wishing you a House full of sunshine, Hearts full of cheer, Love that grows deeper each day of the year.